Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
