More tranny stories later!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
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