remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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