we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
