Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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