I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
