Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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