That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
