I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
