This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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