I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
