i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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