she takes plan B like it's going out of style
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
