In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
