yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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