I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
