I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
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