On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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