my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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