My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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