look no pants
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
