You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
