hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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