she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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