Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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