I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
