If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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