i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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