Taylor Swift is so right about you.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
