I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
