i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
