i may or may not be watching the land before time
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
