I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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