yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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