he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize