when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
