i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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