So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
