It's like a parade of train wrecks.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
