people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize