It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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