I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
