she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
