I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
