If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
