cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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