How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
