OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
