I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
