ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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