on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
