Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
