I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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