my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize