It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
