my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
