Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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