I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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