I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
