I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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