Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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