i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I would fuck him just for his dog
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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