Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
