btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
