paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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