i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
