I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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