Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
