It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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