just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I need a beard to bite.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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