i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
